I’d never visited the Crystal Cherry Patch under its previous management. Prejudiced by reports of zombie-like sex providers holding placards reading, WILL SCREW FOR FOOD, I had a further nightmare of being seconds away from climaxing and looking over my shoulder to see a hairy hand emerge from a sliding panel in the wall to lift my wallet from my trousers. But after ‘Nevada Joe’ sold out to Dennis Hof, I visited Crystal in September 2010 to see what changes had been made .
Arriving at midday, I was the only customer. I found Mr. Hof working at his laptop in the bar. I’d never met him, but even after I’d made it clear I was not there to party, but just to snoop, he interrupted his work to brief me on his plans for Crystal. This was my first encounter with the guy, and I couldn’t resist baiting him about Crystal’s isolation—“Is this place like Field of Dreams? Build it and they will come?”
Hof just grinned, and gave me an impressive pitch on his promotional efforts and planned upgrades “I want to make this place an oasis,” he said. “A place where a man can hide out for a few days.”
I was impressed by the pains he took to make me feel welcome, particularly after I’d declared my intention of spending nothing. When I told him I’d never visited his northern houses because I sensed the prices were too rich for my blood, he sighed. “That’s the problem with the damn TV show. They focus on the high rollers.”
Even as the carpenters worked, two Sweet Young Thangs insisted on touring me, despite my protests that I wasn’t there to party. My observations on the renovations were distracted by the Sweet Young Thangs continually rubbing my non-erogenous zones. My enjoyment aside, I was impressed with their training. I’ve read that Hof has told his providers that no doesn’t necessarily mean no. Obviously these Sweet Young Thangs had taken that to heart.
A summary of my visit:
(1) The staff were all happy and positive—which I gather wasn’t the situation under the previous management.
(2) The boss was on site and involved. I don’t know much about running a brothel, but I know enough about management to know personal involvement can make all the difference.
And most impressive, I consider myself a hard sell, and a cheapskate consumer of sexual services. I came to Crystal...what I saw intrigued me enough to plan on a return visit. And maybe even hide out for a few days…